Colonel Kluckin is a used-car salesman, Texas politician, and owner of Kluckin's Kitchen. He rivals with Orthopox and his restaurant chain, Big Willy's



Kluckin serves as the primary antagonist after Crypto killed off his minion, Patty Wurst, in Harbor City. After the events in Harbor City, the duo travel to Fairfield in aid to find where Kluckin hiding. They don't but they did destroy his Roller Girls who were allied with him. Pox brings Crypto to Fantasy Atoll, an island located near Malaysia to find Colonel Kluckin. They find one of his partners, Mr. Pork who nearly in succeeded in destroying Pox. But Crypto managed to repair him and then destroy Pork and his island. They soon discover his location in Vietmahl.

Kluckin's robot

As they land, they discover that the area is entrenched in war. After knocking out Kluckin's base's defences, Crypto is kidnapped by the traitorous Trahn and Kluckin and he reveals his plan: he takes the dead bodies from the Vietmahlese War and others in South East Asia and turns them into meat for his restaurant, a similar plan used by Pox for Big Willy's, only the brain stems will be grinded up too (which Crypto called him insane for doing). This, in turn, will put Big Willy's out of business, which, in turn, will result in human bodies piling up in the streets again, exposing the Furons' mission on Earth.

Soon, Crypto faces his nemesis in Vietmahl in a mechanical version of a rain forest god and subsequently, he is killed as Crypto (in his Big Willy robot) managed to destroy his robot after the intense battle.


Kluckin uses a giant robot to battle Crypto in the Big Willy mech. The robot uses melee attacks, can cause a shockwave that blasts away all surrounding debris, and he can ram Big Willy from far away. If Crypto gets out of Big Willy, Kluckin will activate an EMP that will disable it and Crypto's weapons and jetpack.

Kluckin can surround himself with a barrier of rocks that can be taken out with enough damage, then he falls down and is vulnerable to attack for a 7-second window before he gets back up.



  • "Big Willy's profits are huge! I had to know how. So I sneaked into your warehouse and saw humans being ground up into wieners!"
  • "But it was too small. Only five hundred restaurants, when you could have thousands."
  • "Why do all the killin' when you could find a war and cart off the dead? Work with me, boy. We could make billions."
  • "That's my profit margin!" (When Crypto asked him what he was going to do with the humans' brain stems)
  • "After we crack open your Saucer, I'll smash your cloning gizmo and come back and kill you for the last time."
  • "Why you green, Yankee rascal. The south shall rise agai- Ahh!" (Last words)


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