Bert Whither is a famous radio broadcaster in Destroy All Humans!


Whither is kidnapped and hypnotized by Cryptosporidium 137 to aid in Pox's plan to brainwash all of the United States. His most important role in the game was to broadcast a message revealing the Majestic's presence and telling them that the Furons want to "Befriend All Humans". Later in the game he serves as an informant of sorts.


  • "Please, don't hurt me. I'll do anything you say. I swear!" (first lines)
  • "SMCBS will bring you further news as it unfolds. Good day, John and Jane America, from north to south, from sea to shining sea. This is Bert Whither, coming to you live from a secure SMCBS studio at an undisclosed location of America's sunshine capital, Santa Modesta, with a special news bulletin. For years, America has been a beacon of hope to the world. But today comes disturbing proof: our very way of life is under attack! Our great nation devoured from within by a malignant tumor of corruption! Yes, you heard it here first. The very heart of power in the United States of America is now cancerous! Its benevolent might bends to a crooked will! The insidious nature of this cancer, right after a word from our sponsor."
  • "Unease sweeps the country like a fever! Police flout civil liberties, arrest people without cause, even brazenly engage in criminal and unconstitutional behavior! I have here a secret affidavit, signed by the chief of the Santa Modesta police department, attesting not only to the existence of these abuses, but to their orchestration by an agency of our own federal government! Up to now, many Americans believed such a thing could never happen here in the land of liberty. But happened it has! More to come, after these commercials."
  • "The federal agency behind the new terror on our streets, the terror of cops gone bad! But if power is corrupt, what of the government responsible? SMCBS has acquired extensive documentary footage: shadowy agents in reasonably-priced black suits in Rockwell, Santa Modesta, even Capitol City, shown here abducting innocent citizens in unmarked black sedans! No arrest records exist, yet to date, over eleven hundred people have disappeared, their families kept in the dark, and still the U.S. government remains silent! Refuses to acknowledge these abductions ever took place! Why has our government deserted us?! Stay tuned!"
  • "We have only a few moments until the army destroys our building. They're deploying tanks and-- Good Lord, giant robots! We cannot survive for long! But in these moments, I want to share a new hope. SMCBS correspondents have uncovered something incredible! For the first time in history, proof that an alien race has visited Earth, and apparently, repeated attempts to communicate their message, to "befriend all humans". Tragically, these gentle, intelligent creatures are being systematically exterminated by government agencies. Are these interstellar ambassadors our last hope for a peaceful human future? Could they help us take back America?! May providence smile upon us all! This is Bert Whither saying... goodbye!"


  • If you take his appearance, he takes the alternate form of the Mayor. However if scanned, his thoughts are the same as an urban male.
  • If the player accidentally kills Bert during the mission, a newspaper article after mission failure will state him as being born in 1904, making him 55 by the events of the game. However, the newspaper article incorrectly states the game's setting as 1957.
  • In Destroy All Humans! 2, Bert Whither is mentioned by two Bay City Urban civilians in a conversation behind their house. This conversation can only be heard clearly if your in disguise.